


Children of the Grey

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-22 19:01:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2518430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: The Grey Wardens are not sterile and breed their members together in order to create new generations of future Wardens with an increased immunity to the taint. In the days before Ostagar, Surana is cast into the Wardens and forced to become pregnant as soon as possible for the greater good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Noam realized in that moment her mistake. As she looked between the Templars, her eyes reaching Irving’s, she saw that she had miscalculated. She had thought the idea stupid, foolish, but in her heart there was still hope that they could escape, they could survive outside the grasp of the Chantry.

Lily taken, Jowan gone, she was the only one left standing. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Cullen. His hands shook slightly; only she would notice his lack of composure. Could he say something? Would he? Noam hoped he wouldn’t. There was nothing he could say that could help her and any action would result in his own punishment. 

The stranger came forth and proclaimed his control over her. Noam had not truly comprehended the action. She was to be spared, but for what? She knew little of these Grey Wardens, but she knew it took her out of their hands and power. As Duncan took her arm, leading her from them, she could not help but look back at Cullen. 

I will find my way back to you, she promised without words and prayed somehow he understood.

Noam had been almost silent throughout the trek to Ostagar. She had nothing to say to Duncan, who in return had little to say that would comfort her. The anger simply grew in her. Every spat from a passing stranger, every look of lust and desire, it fuelled that fire. She was looked down on as an elf in the tower in truth, but on the roads of Ferelden, an elven mage was always in danger. 

She had mentioned this to Duncan, but he had merely patted her on the shoulder and promised that times would change, but they took awhile.

That wasn’t good enough for her. 

As they reached the gates of Ostagar, Duncan motioned for her to bow as an entourage came forth. When Noam refused, he pushed her down in the dirt. She landed, bracing herself as she looked up at the King.

The King laughed and motioned for them to stand, “No Grey Wardens need stand before the King. Rise, both of you.”

Noam did so gingerly, trying to wipe the dirt off of her robes. King Cailian smiled at her and said, “I see you found yourself a mage, how fortunate. There had been so few in the order, I’m sure she will be an excellent support.”

Noam did not speak.

“How is the tower, friend? I hope the Templars are taking good care of your kind.”

Noam said quietly, bowing her chin, “You are no friend of mine, shem.”

Duncan reprimanded, “You are addressing your King. You must show respect.”

Cailian laughed, “I like a woman with a bit of spirit. I am not offended. I should let you pass through to your camp. You must be weary from your journey. Come see me later, Duncan, when you have finished dropping off your charge. We have much to talk about.”

As they passed by them, Duncan grabbed her chin and forced her to meet his gaze. “You will not speak to any of your superiors in this way again, is that understood?” She nodded in response, glaring at him as he gave her a gentle push into the camp. 

She followed him through the tents of the king’s soldiers and into the camp of the Grey Wardens. Stopping outside a single tent, he motioned to it, and said, “Here is where you will sleep. The women will guide you through what is expected of you. When you are ready, you will meet with the other recruits and begin the rituals.”

Noam did not speak, but simply glared silently.

Duncan sighed, “It will be easier if you do not resist so much. You are going to be part of our Order, you will be happier if you embrace that.”

Noam did not reply and entered the tent. As she looked around, she noticed immediately that she was the only elf. There were four other women, all human. They looked up at her as she entered, one raising an eyebrow and laughing.

“I see Duncan brought the men a treat,” she grinned, “Are they putting in requests now for preferences? Maybe he had a craving.”

“Oh shush,” another said gently, “The poor thing is fresh from the tower. She doesn’t need to be teased so. Come here, friend, we will not hurt you.”

Noam came to sit with the other four, the second woman patting her hand affectionately. She then came to touch Noam’s shaven head, her forehead furrowed as she did so.

Noam said quietly, “I just completed my Harrowing. They like to have a clean surface, just in case they need to bring out the brand.”

The woman nodded, taking her hand away, “It will grow back in time. My name is Susanne. That loud mouth over there is Delia, and these two are Meria and Miranda. They’re twins, but you probably couldn’t have guessed that. I’ve never seen sisters who looked so little alike.”

“I’m Noam,” she replied softly.

Susanne smiled, “Now don’t you worry then. We’ll take good care of you while you settle in. It won’t be as bad as you might think. You’ll just have to make it through your ritual, but I imagine after the Harrowing, it will be a peace of cake.”

“Enjoy it while you can,” Delia smirked, “At least they’ll leave you be until then. Duncan would beat the shit out of them if they didn’t.”

“Quit trying to scare the poor girl,” Susanne retorted.

Delia’s face softened, “And should I sugarcoat it all?”

Noam said quietly, “I was told I was to be given instructions.”

“Right,” Delia said, “I’m the most senior one, I’ll go. You’ll have a few tasks, then you’ll go through the Joining and then you’ll be a Grey Warden. Taadaa. At that point, you’ll be considered a full member and will be treated as such. So, we have to prep you for that. I have a few potions, we’ll give you a quick examination, and then we’ll send you on your way.”

Noam raised an eyebrow.

Susanne said softly, “We have to make sure that you are fertile and cleanse your womb in case…well…”

Noam asked, “Why does the Order care about my womb?”

Meria stepped forth, taking Noam’s hand in hers, “We’re not allowed to tell you yet. If we could, we would. I know you probably don’t trust us. We all remember what it was like, remember being brought into the tent and that fear that you’re probably feeling right now.”

“I am not afraid. I am angry.”

Delia smiled, “I think I’m going to like you.”

Susanne said gently, “Please trust us. We will be your Sisters in Arms. We will not do anything to harm you. Be you will have to do this.”

Noam met Delia’s gaze and said, “All right.”

She drank their potions, feeling her womb pulse as they felt her abdomen, taking her blood into their bowl and mixing it with another potion. She felt dizzy and she felt her eyes closing and Delia’s hands catching her as she fell to the ground.

When she woke, Delia was beside her as the other three worked with their herbs and poultices. 

“We’re just going to give you something to help you conceive, it tastes awful, but then it will be over. I must say, I was impressed. Those potions in your blood must have been difficult to make in the Tower without notice.”

Noam replied, “It was in the Templar’s best interest that we did not conceive. Especially since…”

The two women’s eyes met and Delia smiled sadly, “You need not say more. It seems things are not so much different inside the Tower than out.”

Noam tried to ask, but she heard a horn sound and Delia motioned for her to go outside. She saw three human men congregating in the centre of the camp. She went forth hesitantly, feeling the presence of a Templar and saw it was one who instructing the other two.

She felt her hair bristle on her skin, the magic flowing through her instinctively. It would be easy to take him out if he was alone. Yet when he looked up at her, she stopped, the spell fading into the air.

It wasn’t him. But the similarities were enough for her to catch her breath. The kind smile, the deep brown eyes, the short blonde hair. He met her glance with a smirk.

“I know I’m handsome, but you’re going to have to control yourself, Sister.”

Noam looked away and apologized quietly. 

“Now that you’re all here, we will be heading out into the Wilds. You will stick close to me as I can sense the darkspawn and you can’t. I know, tragic you don’t get the superpowers yet, so you’ll be stuck with me. We need to collect a few vials of darkspawn blood, and as well, we have a few documents to pick up from a cache in the woods. I know, nothing too exciting, but new recruits get all of the fun tasks. My name is Alistair, in case you need to cry out in fear when a spider chases after you and you need me to come rescue you.”

The others shared their names, but Noam did not say a word.

The Kochari Wilds echoed with the sounds of the creatures fleeing through it. Noam felt overwhelmed, her staff outstretched as she tried to make her bearings. The blood of the darkspawn was easy enough, though Noam shook over the body of a genlock as she extracted its blood. This was not how she expected to use her healer training.

As they grew closer to the cache, an odd sensation struck her. There was another mage nearby. The Circle would not let only one go this far by themselves, which only meant there was an apostate hiding in the forests. She did not reveal this information and followed the others into the ruins.

The mage made her appearance as Noam reached the broken chest. A wilding woman. Noam’s heart leapt. She had heard stories, tales of those who were born free of the Chantry, but she never had believed. Yet here this woman was, beautiful and proud as she strode into their arena. The men pulled out their weapons, but Noam simply stepped forth. She wished she could embrace her as sister, but she held herself back as the witch examined them.

“My name is Noam,” she said kindly, causing the other three to stare at her.

“And I am Morrigan. A pleasure to meet a woman like myself among such fools. The Grey Wardens will be lucky to have you.”

“We seek ancient treaties that were once kept here. Do you know where they are?”

“She must have stolen them,” Daveth accused, “Wildling women take what they can before they run back into the trees.”

Morrigan smirked, “Indeed. Perhaps I shall take your socks and mittens too before I go. My mother has them in her custody. Follow me and we shall get them back to their rightful owners.”

Morrigan led them as the men anxiously looked around, glancing at their unfamiliar surroundings. Noam walked beside her and Morrigan looked over at her in amusement. 

“The Wardens never cease to amaze me,” Morrigan chuckled, “Those three buffoons will probably be high ranking officers and you will be left to scrub the pots and pans. They never understand true power.”

Noam did not understand and simply followed wordlessly.

“You do not know, do you?” Morrigan asked with a raised eyebrow, “Tell me, why do think you recruited into their folds?”

“I helped a blood mage escape from the Tower,” Noam replied, “I was conscripted in exchange for my life.”

“Truly?” Morrigan chuckled, “Now that is not what I expected. They must be desperate for new blood indeed. No offense intended, for what I have ever observed or heard they prefer noble men’s third daughters, lithe little blonde things that happen to know a few things about swordplay or archery.”

“What do they want with me?”

“You trust me over the word of your fellow Wardens? My, how you must trust the bonds of sisterhood over the bonds of blood. I admire that, even if it is foolish. Let me say this. Your body will not be your own. It is the property of the Wardens from the moment you join them. It goes for men as well, but it will affect you more than them if you understand my meaning,” Morrigan glanced back over at the men behind them. Noam could feel that she wanted to say more, but the men were closer now and she could see a small hut in between the branches of trees. 

The Witch was oddly kind to her, though she snarled at the other three. She pinched her cheek as she would a grandchild, sending her on the way with the treaties in her pack. Morrigan did not speak to her as she guided them back onto the trail, her mind apparently on other things.

The three men spooked of the encounter, they huddled together as they marched back to camp. The rain started around them, misting at first and growing heavier as they hiked the hill to Ostagar. As the rain poured around them, Alistair called out to her, “Hey!”

Noam turned around, pulling the hood of her cloak further overhead to block out the rain. Alistair stood in front of her, the rain drenching his hair and armour, as he smiled out and called out in the rain, “You dropped this.” 

He tossed over the Chantry amulet, which Noam caught deftly in her hands. She looked down in surprise as he walked up beside her. He said, “Actually, Daveth stole it when you weren’t looking, but I thought I’d relieve it from him. I didn’t know you were so devout. I was raised in the Chantry, myself. I haven’t seen anyone wear one of these particular ones since I was in my Templar training. I always liked the copper ones, they seem to just shine.”

Noam put the amulet back around her neck, holding it in her hand. She realized she was stifling a tear as she put it back beneath her robes. 

“Thank you,” she said quietly and turned back, walking towards the camp. 

Drenched, the rain seemed to ease as they entered through the gates of Ostagar. Instinctively, Noam stayed close to Alistair as they returned to Duncan’s side. Duncan had a few others with him by the fire and he silenced them angrily. 

“You returned. Successful I hope?”

Alistair handed over the supplies and the treaties, “We have what you have asked for. I’m afraid it is time for the Joining.”

Duncan, Alistair and the other five Wardens led the three of them into the old Temple of Ostagar. Noam looked up at the menacing sky and then back down at the chalice being brought forth, the vials of blood being mixed into the wine and herbs of the mixture.

She immediately blamed herself for being so stupid. She tried to turn around, but a gruff Warden gave her a push forward into the Circle. 

Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you.

Noam’s heart raced. She was not going to die here. She would find her way back to him. She had to. But as she watched Daveth die of the cup and Jory die of the blade, she knew this was the only way forward.

As the seven men watched, she drank of the cup. The pain ripped through her and she cried out as she fell. Before she was overwhelmed by the visions of the Old Gods, she saw him once more and reached out to him.

As she rose, she saw Alistair standing over her as Duncan disagreed with the other five. Alistair heard her stirring and bent down, helping her stand. “Come on,” he said disgustedly, “Let them have their arguments. You need to get a good meal.”

Noam agreed, her legs wobbling slightly as she walked, his hand on her arm to steady her. They returned to the campfire, and she tried to warm herself in her damp clothing as Alistair returned with stew for the both of them. She ate without speaking, looking up only once at him when he offered her bread.

She had only finished half her meal when she felt full. She wordlessly offered her portion to Alistair who grinned. “You’ll regret that later,” he said, “I’m like a stray dog, once you feed me once, I’m hard to get rid of.”

She looked up at him and almost smiled. He was not unlike a puppy. She remembered the little one she had in the Alienage, the sweet little black dog who used to follow her about and beg for her scraps of food at dinner. 

She heard Duncan approach and she looked up at him, the glare returning to her eyes. Alistair took the rest of the food and left, smiling at her as he did so. Duncan sat beside her and she looked away.

“I apologize, child. I meant to be with you when you awakened. There is much to discuss now that you are a Grey Warden. Now that you know of the taint, of the blood that makes us who we are, you must know about your duties.”

Noam said angrily, “I think I have a good guess, but let’s see how you view it.”

Duncan replied, “The Joining kills more Grey Wardens than it makes. But we need that taint in our blood to survive. We have found over the years that it simply easier to replicate that taint than it is to create anew. The child of Grey Wardens is generally immune to the taint and will survive the Joining. Many of our recruits are Warden born now. It is the most…humane way.”

“To breed us like cattle? That is humane?”

“Wardens are needed to stop the Blight. Better a few children be born here than many more to die in the days and weeks to come.”

Noam put her head in her hands as Duncan continued, “It is the Warden Commander who selects the breeding partners of female Grey Wardens, though I will give you say in the matter. You will fight among us until you are pregnant and then will return to the Denerim fortress where you will work as house guard. Our women protect our fortresses and children, the most important duty one could have. Our children are raised communally and your children will know you as birth mother, but you will have no greater say in their upbringing than those of the Senior Grey Wardens. Children are not taught of their fathering, for it is simply not important. You may return to the field three months after a birth, but you will be expected to conceive as quickly as possible. If you have difficulty conceiving, the Warden Commander may have to change breeding partners and patterns.”

Noam smirked and did not say a word.

“Traditionally since it is the first night, you are permitted to chose any partner. The others at your Joining felt that you should be…put to work as soon as possible with as many as possible. We have only five women in the Order at present and we have had no children born for two years, none that survived for more than that. But, tradition is tradition. Tomorrow you may have different arrangements, but for tonight, you have your choice.”

Noam asked, “And if I don’t want to do this?”

“I gave you your life. You owe us service. This is your service. You will defend the land from the Blight. Is that not worth any price?”

Noam closed her eyes for a moment, letting the tears fade back and she took a deep breath. Opening again, she looked around at the men of the camp, many leering at her. Duncan put his hand on her knee, “I would be gentle, child. It is difficult the first time, but it will be easier.”

Noam pushed his hand off her knee and said, “I have no control what you do tomorrow, but as long as I can, you will not have me.”

She stood, seeing Alistair stand nearby, his cheeks blushing slightly as she walked towards him. He looked down at her in amusement until she kissed him deeply. That same taste of lyrium and sweat made her heart leap, her body pulsing as his hands went around her waist. He kissed her harder and her hands went to the side of his face. 

If she only closed her eyes, then she could remember. Then it would not be so bad. 

She led him into her tent, now empty with the women assigned out for the evening. She kissed him again, his hands fumbling over the laces of her robes and her hands delicately removing his armour. As her robes fell around her and she stood naked before him, Alistair moaned slightly, stripping himself quickly of his gear and standing before her only in smallclothes. 

“I’ve never done this before,” he admitted between heavy kisses, “I know it’s our duty, but…Maker, you’re so beautiful.”

Touched, Noam stroked his cheek, and said softly, “We can take it slowly.”

Alistair kissed her softly as she took off his small clothes, her hand slipping around his hardened cock. He moaned out again and kissed her shoulder, whispering, “Maker, don’t do that to me. I won’t last.”

The idea that this man might father her child made her want to laugh in some strange way. Anders would have found this whole scenario amusing, if not so absurd. After years of sleeping with men in the corners of rooms, in the Chantry, in storage closets, and trying so desperately not to get pregnant, here she was having a shy virgin trying to knock her up while the Wardens eagerly waited. 

The thought made her want to cry a little and Alistair kissed her again, softer.

“I know this wasn’t what you wanted,” he said quietly, “If you can’t…we can pretend, I won’t tell a soul. Maker, I’m so sorry.”

Noam kissed him, her hands resting on his chest, and murmured, “I’d rather it be you.”

She laid down among the blankets and he knelt above her, nuzzling into her neck as she wrapped her legs around him. She wrapped her arms around his neck as his hands angled himself into her. She cried out slightly and he withdrew until she kissed him again. Alistair slid back into her, moaning and pulling her close to him. 

He thrust into her, his hand digging into the dirt, the other holding her, his fingers slipping in effort. She wanted to imagine Cullen, wanted to imagine she was in his arms again. But that was not fair, not to her or the man pounding into her. She opened her eyes and looked into his, his face concentrated as he thrust, grunting slightly as they kissed again. She felt his legs shake around her and with a hard thrust she felt him come inside of her. He thrust a few times again before growing soft and withdrawing from her. He kissed her deeply, pulling her into his arms as he laid down among the blankets. 

She felt herself tear up and Alistair leaned in again and murmured, “Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head and despite herself, smiled, “No, you were very good to me.”

“I’ll be better next time. We’ll have more practice-I mean, if you’ll have me. I don’t know what Duncan will assign…but, if we can, I’d like to stay with you.”

Despite herself, Noam curled up on his chest and murmured, “Okay.”


	2. Chapter 2

When Noam woke, Alistair was still beside her, snoring lightly, his blonde hair ruffled and curly in the morning light. True to his word, he had been better the next time and Noam truly enjoyed herself the third time.

She could manage this with him, she thought to herself. If she could manage to convince Duncan that this would work, then maybe…

She saw in her mind the outstretched hands of the Templars, their hands on her bare body, whipping across her skin as another squeezed her breast. She shuddered and started to breathe heavily, causing Alistair to wake up. Sleepily, he asked, “Are you alright, my dear?”

She curled back in beside him, letting him hold her tightly as the flashback faded. He did not ask, but simply stroked her cheek until she relaxed again. She wanted to protest, but she knew it was safer this way. She had some affection for the man, but it was safer if he believed her dependent on him, if he believed he needed to protect her.

As they dressed and meet with the others for breakfast, Alistair was pulled aside by a few of the men, one with a very large fuzzy beard hugging him tightly and kissing his cheek, yelling, “You finally did it, boy!”

Alistair blushed and looked over at her with an apologetic smile. She returned it, moving over to sit with Delia and the others by a small campfire. 

Susanne spooned out porridge to Noam as she said, “That was a smart move picking him. He’s always been Duncan’s favourite, it will be hard for him to say no to him if Alistair asks for you to be assigned to him. I wish I had thought of that.”

Delia responded with a smirk, “There weren’t any virgins when you started up.”

“A little warning could have been nice,” Noam said quietly, taking the bowl into her hands.

Miranda said kindly, stretching out a kink in her neck, “It only would have made you worry more. Besides, you seemed to have survived for now. You did well. Congratulations.”

Noam replied, “On surviving their barbarous test? On being a broodmother for Wardens? Oh yeah, things have been going great for me.”

Meria said softly, “It is our duty. It’s not a great duty, but it is an important one.”

Delia said with a smirk, “You keep telling yourself that, dear. At least we’ve been lucky and we’ve been childfree for years. No being cooped up in that stupid fortress. There will be battle in a few days, whenever those darkspawn decide they’d like some sunshine. You can fight right, kid? You should be able to throw a fireball or two.”

Noam smiled, “One or two.”

Noam turned to hear someone coming towards them. When she saw it was Alistair, she felt her heart skip a beat, making her feel a fool. He met her glance and blushed, stepping forth, and then thinking better of it and turning back towards the rest of the men. 

Susanne said gently, “You know, it’s allowed for Wardens to have life partners. Maybe you could talk to Duncan-“

“Psst,” Delia rolled her eyes. Noam said nothing and ate her porridge silently.

oOoOoOoOo

She was allowed to work with the other mages for the day since there was little the other Wardens could teach her of warrior techniques. She avoided Wynne the best she could, the older woman glancing over at her with an insipid cheerfulness that riled Noam to the core.

She was in the midst of bottling poultices when she saw Alistair out of the corner of her eye. She pretended she did not see him, stopping a bottle and putting it in her pack. When she realized he was coming towards her, she felt herself go to straighten out her hair, forgetting she was still shaven from her Harrowing.

Maker, the Harrowing…a chill went through her. She remembered seeing Cullen standing above her, trying to keep a neutral face. He told her afterwards he did not know if he could slay her.

But they both knew he couldn’t. He would be disgraced, thrown from the Templars, rather than harm her. She had to survive, for both of them. 

Perhaps that was still true.

She stood as he reached her side, instinctively bowing her head. He affectionately cupped her chin, allowing their eyes to meet. 

“I was looking for you all morning,” he said, “Good to see you’re feeling strong enough to be so productive. These will be useful for the next few days.”

She smiled silently, looking away from him.

“Listen,” Alistair said, his hand going to the back of his neck, “Can I talk to you? It won’t take long. There’s just something I want to talk to you about.”

Noam nodded, putting the poultices to simmer as another mage took over. Alistair gingerly took her hand, leading her over the bridge and into a quiet section of the ruins overlooking the valley beneath.

He gestured for her to sit down on a worn rock and she did so, smoothing out her skirts. He sat beside her; balancing himself as close to the edge as was possible. She could almost feel his racing heart beat as his hand touched hers.

“I want to talk to Duncan today, about us,” Alistair said, blushing, “We decided things in the heat of the moment last night…but I want to make sure you are still…well…”

Noam touched his face softly and he nuzzled into her hand, kissing it gently. 

“If you still want me,” she said quietly, “I want to be with you.”

He leaned in and kissed her, his hands wrapping around her waist. Her hand ran to the seams of his armour and he blushed fiercely.

“Here? Now?” He asked, between kisses.

Yes, she wanted to say, yes before they take me from you and give me to all their men. Yes before I spend the rest of my days locked up, again never to see the light of day. Yes, while I can still say yes.

Instead she took his hand and led him down into the tall grass. He looked around briefly and upon seeing no one near by, he laid down beside her, kissing her as she dismantled his armour. He pulled her out of her robes and they lay in their underclothes, kissing as their hands explored each other.

Alistair paused and reached beside her ear, pulling a daisy out and giving it to her. She paused and looked up at him in curiosity.

“I wouldn’t want it to get crushed,” he smiled impishly. 

She smiled as she tucked it behind his ear, kissing him softly. He pulled her close to him, his hand slipping into her smallclothes as she moaned into his ear. At her gasp, he withdrew his hand, cupping her face in his hands as he kissed her. He pulled her small clothes off, and she stripped him naked. As he knelt above her, she reached out and stroked his cock, causing him to blush as he grinned. He leaned in, nuzzling into her neck as she let go and he pushed into her. She threw her arms around his neck, her nails digging into his skin as he thrust into her. She bit down on his ear playfully and he groaned, kissing her neck. He picked up pace, his mouth traveling down her chest. He sucked on a nipple as he looked up at her. She whimpered out, unraveling as his hand touched her clit clumsily. She came as he kissed her and he soon followed, spilling his seed into her. 

They fell beside each other in the grass, still holding onto each other. Alistair touched her cheek, and she could sworn she saw tears in his eyes. The thought came before she could help it and she could not shake it from her mind: Maker, if I must have a child, let it be his.

oOoOoOoOoOo

“I’m glad to see how…enthusiastic you have become about your duties, Surana,” Duncan said with a raised eyebrow, “Alistair came to talk to me about your assignment to him until you conceive. I have some…concerns about the pairing, but I will allow your continued couplings until we return to Denerim. However, I would like you to extend your activities to other Wardens as well. It will give morale to the others if you and the other women receive multiple companions tonight. I want my men as prepared for battle tomorrow as they can be. There is nothing more inspiring for a Warden in battle than believing he has fathered a child.”

“No,” Noam said defiantly.

“No?” 

“You told me I had a say. I picked someone, I’m doing as you asked.”

“I am your commanding officer and you will do as I say. Do you understand?”

Noam glared at him, “You’re no better than the Templars. I hope you realize that.”

“What I do is for the benefit of Ferelden. It would do you well if you remembered that.”

Noam stormed off, trying to conceal the tears in her eyes as she entered the women’s tent. Delia looked up at her curiously as Noam screamed into her hands. Delia stood up, putting a hand on her shoulder. Noam shook it off. She paused and then let herself crumple into Delia’s arms.

Delia said quietly, “The first time is the worst. It gets easier. Sometimes it’s almost enjoyable. Just hang in there, kid. Don’t let the bastards get you down.”

Noam nodded, letting the older woman hold her and pat her head softly. She vaguely remembered her mother then, the faint memory of the feel of her hand, the smell of her skin. The memory faded as she saw Alistair stand at the flap of the tent. Delia squeezed Noam and let her go, leaving quietly as she nodded to Alistair. 

Alistair embraced her and she felt herself curl into his chest. 

“I really wasn’t expecting that,” Alistair said in dismay, resting his chin on her head.

“I don’t want to do this,” Noam admitted almost silently.

Alistair said quietly, “Then don’t.”

Noam looked up at him in surprise and he whispered, “Run away with me. Just for tonight. You and me. We’ll camp out in the ruins. They’ll get pissed off and punish us tomorrow, but then it’s the battle anyway. If something happens to either of us…I don’t want to be apart this last night.”

“What will happen?” Noam asked.

“And here I thought you weren’t afraid of anything.”

“I don’t want them to hurt you because of me.”

Alistair smiled sadly, “Trust me. They’re not going to hurt me.” He kissed her softly, and whispered into her ear, “Get your pack together and meet me in the makeshift Chantry. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Noam did so, waiting breathlessly among the devoted until she saw Alistair at the edge of the benches. She slipped away from the others, taking his hand as he led her up the battlements and unto the highest level of the fortress. Noam looked out cautiously, almost growing nauseous when she looked over the edge.

“It surprises me that someone who grew up in a tower is afraid of heights,” Alistair joked, bringing her back into the centre.

“I rarely went past the second floor,” Noam admitted, “This is a very different experience.”

“Strange,” he said quietly, “If I had stayed a Templar, maybe we would have met each other anyway.”

“We still couldn’t have been together then,” she replied. 

They looked each other as the wind swept gently past them. The sun was setting and Noam watched the pink and orange streak across Alistair’s face. He touched her cheek and kissed her. She felt her stomach flip and she kissed him back, letting herself be pulled into his embrace.


	3. Chapter 3

Noam woke up with a cold nose and a scratchy throat on the cold battlements of Ostagar. She felt Alistair’s arms around her and she curled into him under the blanket, nuzzling into his chest. He kissed the top of her head and pulled her into his arms. She felt herself drifting off asleep, even as the sun rose on the battlefield. 

“We need to go back,” she murmured gently and he grumbled incoherently and pulled her closer. She almost laughed, but merely smiled. She wiggled out of his arms and dressed quickly, wrapping her cloak around her. He looked up at her sleepily and slowly blinked in the rising sunlight.

“It’s clouding over,” he said grumpily, “We better get back to camp before it starts raining.”

They hurried dressing Alistair in his armour and walked back to camp. Seconds within crossing into the area, another Warden grabbed Alistair’s arm and he followed, head bowed. Noam saw Duncan ahead. He waved her over and she complied, glancing over to see Alistair being fed breakfast. 

Duncan led her into his tent and she stood cautiously at the edge while he sat down on his chair, drinking something steaming from a chipped mug.

“Noam,” he said, “I have tried to be patient with you. But now you have directly violated orders. Your pairings are to be assigned by me. Did you not think there is a reason why I arranged your pairings last night? Do you think I do this out of malice? I do this to protect you and your future children, the future Grey Wardens. Do you just wish to struggle against everything I ask? Are you trying to punish me for saving your life?”

Noam did not reply.

“Since you were treated by the other women, have you known another man?”

Noam shook her head.

Duncan sighed, “I feared this was so. Noam...I would not ask this unless it was absolutely necessary, but…take off your robes.”

She froze and whispered, “No.”

“I am doing this to protect you,” Duncan explained as he started to undo his armour, “I do not do this for pleasure.”

“Please,” Noam found herself pleading as her hands shook, “Don’t do this. Please. Please. I beg you. Please don’t do this.”

“Do not make me feel worse than I already do,” Duncan asked, stepping out of his boots, “This is not to hurt you.”

“Please,” Noam whispered, tears coming to her eyes, “I can’t do this again. Please. Please don’t do this.”

A horn blasted through the camp, but Noam was too petrified to turn her head. Duncan went behind her, untying the stays of her robes until they fell around her feet. She quivered and shuddered under his touch as his fingers ran across her shoulder.

“You are beautiful, Noam,” Duncan said softly, “I am sorry.”

As his fingers traced her skin, the memory came again of the Templars’ fingers scrapping across her skin, and she fell to her knees and sobbed, lowering her head into her hands. 

An elven messenger appeared at the tent and he blushed at seeing Noam naked. He handed over a folded piece of paper to Duncan and ran off. Duncan opened it and scanned quickly.

“I must go,” Duncan said, “But this will still need to be addressed. When the battle is over, if it is not me, it must be another.”

Duncan redressed quickly and left, leaving Noam to sob alone on the ground. Delia entered a few moments later, wrapping Noam in a scratchy saddle blanket, and bringing her back to their tent.

She laid still as Delia helped her wash. Noam cried for a moment and Delia stroked her arm until she was calm enough to continue. 

“Tonight…when he’s…done,” Delia said gently, “Come see me. We can make sure it’s not his. I did the same myself about five years ago. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.”  
“But why does it matter?” Noam asked, “He wants me pregnant, why does he care whose the father?”

“Because while Grey Wardens aren’t supposed to care, they care,” she explained, “The parentage does matter, even if we’re not supposed to know. Listen, the Orleasians are sending over more Wardens, even some female ones. It’ll be easier when there’s more of us, I promise.”

“I must be in a sad state if you’re the one trying to comfort me.”

Delia smiled, “I guess so. You get to kill some darkspawn today, take comfort in that.”

They both went silent as the rain starting pouring down around them.

oOoOoOoOo

Alistair ran beside her in the mud as the other two chased along. She glanced over at him as he climbed another barricade, slashing his sword down at a genlock that came to close to them. 

As they made it to the Tower, their clothes drenched, panting from battle and covered with blood, Noam wanted to ask. What made a king send a lowly soldier and his whore from the battle? What made a Warden-Commander rather assault another Warden than rather her bare that same lowly soldier’s child? Who was this man? 

Yet as he kissed her, the thought fled from her mind. 

“Come on now, my dear,” Alistair grinned as the rain poured around them, “Let’s go light us a fire.”

They fought their way easily through the tower, the mage healing and protecting the warrior who held his shield in front of her. As they reached the signal, the ogre coming into view, Alistair threw himself in front of her, allowing himself to be captured in its clawed hand. He slew the creature threw the throat, rolling to the ground as it fell bleeding to the floor. 

Noam ran to her side and he smiled, coughing as he got the air back into his lungs. She would later tell Morrigan that this was the last thing she remembered. 

She faded in and out as she heard the others talking. She recognized each of the voices. Knowing she was safe, she fell back asleep until she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

“Morrigan?”

“Aye, I see you do retain some of your memory. Come on now, sit up. I will bring you some stew and bread. You can show your companion you have returned to the land of the living.”

As she walked into the kitchen, she saw Alistair immediately stand from his chair and embrace her. He whispered in between kisses, “You’re alive.” 

For a moment, she let him hold her and she felt safe again. But as she pulled away, hearing all of what had happened while she was harmed, her heart pounded in her chest. Selfishly, she did not think of the Blight, of the lost battle, even her dead King. She could only think of the Templar waiting for her in their quiet tower, that there was a chance…if only a slim chance…

They set out for the road, three little people wading through the sea of darkspawn around them. As she glanced up at Alistair, the question she dared not ask came close to her lips again. The Witch picked them for a reason, she had no doubt of that, but she could not even begin to guess her purpose.

As they strode into the Wilds, Alistair took her hand. She looked up at him, a strange panic setting in her heart. She was still bound to the Wardens, and she was still bound to him. She had to still play this game.


	4. Chapter 4

It was Morrigan who first realized her condition. Noam had been ill for several days, weak in her knees and warm to the touch. On a cool fall night in camp, still a day’s journey from Redcliffe, Morrigan said softly, “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”

Noam pulled her cloak further around her, “I don’t know. It seems too soon to have any signs of it.”

“It has been three weeks at least since we left the Wilds. It would not be unheard of. I can arrange a test, if you like. It is better for you to know as soon as you can.”

“What if I am?”

Morrigan paused, looking briefly around the fire to see where the others were. Satisfied at seeing that they were relatively alone, she continued, “You do not have to go through with this. The Wardens would not fault you.”

“I have to think about it,” Noam said softly, “But yes…I need to know.”

A vial of urine and an herbal potion later and Noam had confirmed Morrigan’s suspicions. The mage had been surprisingly soft with Noam and left her alone as she thought through it all.

It grew late and Noam went to bed, lying with her knees against her chest. Sincerely, she did not know what to do. She had prayed for this, hadn’t she? And after the Blight, the Wardens would force her through this again anyways. 

And yet still part of her wished she would escape. Would he still want her after she had another man’s child? 

As the night grew late, Alistair climbed into the tent with her, stripping down into his small clothes as he lay down beside her. Since Ostagar, they had not been intimate with each other, but they had spent every night in each other’s arms. He mourned Duncan and she did not have the strength to tell him of her final moments with him.

He kissed her neck affectionately and she laid on his chest. He ran his hand through the fuzz of hair returning on her head. 

“I have to tell you something,” Noam murmured. 

“Me too. You go first, though. Please.”

Noam did not know how to begin, and they watched each other for a moment as she tried to catch her breath.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. 

Alistair started shaking and he sat up, his skin going red as he began to sweat.

“Alistair,” she said softly, “What do you need? Talk to me?”

“I’ll be back,” Alistair promised, throwing on a pair of pants, “I promise. Just…just wait.”

Noam waited patiently, though her heart raced until he returned a few moments later, water dripping from his hair.

He knelt beside her and took her hand, “There’s something I should have told you, long before any of this. I should have told you that first night…but…”

“I told you before about Arl Eamon? How he raised me? You asked me who my father was and I didn’t tell you? Well…King Maric. He was my father.”

It all connected for her painfully as she murmured, “What does that mean for us?”

“I don’t know. I’m so sorry. If I even thought there was a chance something would happen to Caillian…I…I’m so sorry.”

“But…” Noam said, “I’m carrying your child. Another bastard to be the heir of a bastard king?”

“I don’t want to be king,” Alistair protested, “I want to be a Warden, I want to be with you and raise our…”

Noam looked up at him, “You can’t be their father. You know that. If this….I should be going to Denerim and we wouldn’t see each other…oh Maker.”

Alistair swept her up in a kiss and she melted into it as she started crying. He held her as he began to cry. Between sobs, Alistair kissed her again and again, whispering, “I will make this work.”

In that moment, if he had asked her to run with him, she would have. As his hands reached around her waist, bringing her closer to him, she wished he would. She could love him, they could be happy, if only, if only…

But he promised nothing as they fell into bed together.

After as they lay together, Alistair asleep holding her, she could not shut her eyes, her heart racing.


	5. Chapter 5

It had not been her choice to go so soon to the tower, but as Alistair pleaded with her, begged her to save Connor, she knew she had to. 

Now as they neared the tower, the boat reaching the shore of the island, she could not stop shaking. Morrigan stayed by her side, quietly muttering about the tyranny of the Chantry that made Noam smile somewhat. Morrigan was proof that mages could be free of the Circle, and after encountering Jowan in the prisons…well, that was a comforting thought indeed.

As the party disembarked onto the shore, they were escorted quickly into the entrance. Noam looked around for his familiar face, but did not see him. Gregoir nodded at her in recognition, then proceeded to explain to Alistair the situation. Noam listened in fear, her skin growing clammy and warm as her mind raced with possibilities.

“We have to get in there,” she interrupted, “If there are survivors, they need help.”

All turned to look at her in concern and she continued, “We cannot let a mage or Templar die for being on the wrong side of a door.”

Alistair turned to her, “Noam, I understand you’re upset, but it’s not safe for you-especially now with-“

Noam cut him off, waving him off, “I’m going in there. I don’t care if you or any one else comes with me. But I’m doing my duty.”

Alistair met her glare, lowering his head, “I will follow you.”

“You should stay here,” Morrigan said, “I will accompany her through the tower. It will be faster with two and safer. We’ll take the dog even. No fear of demon possession there.”

The Mabari barked happily, walking over to Morrigan’s side.

“Be careful,” Alistair warned, touching her cheek, “We’ll wait here for you for as long as we can.”

The three of them walked forth. Noam did not turn for a final glance as the doors shut tight behind them.

oOoOoOoOo

Noam gasped loudly as she woke from the Fade, her hand immediately going to her belly. She coughed twice, looking over at the other two mages rising beside her. Morrigan held her head, groaning as she stood.

“That took much longer than I would have hoped,” she complained, “Grab that stupid piece of paper and get us out of here.”

The four of them left the room, Wynne attempting to congratulate Noam on her strength and Morrigan interrupting her to tell her to stuff it. Noam followed the dog as she ran off into a nearby corridor. 

Noam followed the dog and found herself face to face with a small dragon. She stumbled and fell to her knees, looking up at the creature in fear. 

As the creature veered to bite through her flesh, she blasted it with ice and sleet. As the other two caught up and faced the creatures, Noam thought she heard his voice echoing through the hallways. Seeing the others were occupied, she ran forth as fast as she could through them, following the faint echo.

She reached the base of the stairs and found him there, crying and hands to his head as he screamed out. A flashing shield was around him and as she tried to reach out to him, she found her hand unable to touch his.

He looked up and whispered, “Please, demon. Not this again. Haven’t you done enough to me now? This isn’t real, she’s gone. Please. Please just leave me.”

“Cullen,” Noam murmured, sliding down to her knees, “Please, it’s me. I’m real.”

He shook his head as he sobbed, “Go away, demon, go away.”

He looked back up at her, “You’re still here…that’s always worked before…”

“Cullen,” she whispered, her hand still pressed against the shield, “You’re alive.”

His hand met hers, though they still could not touch.

“Are you safe? Are you unharmed?”

He bowed his head, “I do not how long they had me here…the others…they are all dead. They made me dream of you…but…I resisted, I tried, so hard.”

“I’m here now,” she promised, “They won’t hurt you again.”

“There you are!” Morrigan yelled in a huff, “Thanks for leaving us to fight a dragon on our own.”

“Cullen, isn’t it?” Wynne asked, “It is good to see you survived.”

“You don’t have much time,” Cullen said quietly, “Uldred is building an army, he wants to kill us all. Kill whatever you find, just end this, please.”

“I can still save the tower,” Noam said gently, “I will not fail us yet.”

Cullen pressed his forehead to the shield and she did the same, whispering again, “I will get you out of here.”

“Go,” he murmured, “Go save us all then.”

Noam chased up the stairs, her three companions behind her. 

oOoOoOoOo

It was deemed a success, but as Noam walked back down the tower, her hands shook. Irving held her hand compassionately as helped him down the stairs. As the other two bickered behind them, the man said quietly to her, “I am sorry I could not do more for you, child.”

“You did what you had to,” she replied, “Is that not what we all do?”

“You have shown greater kindness to me than I have to you,” Irving smiled sadly, “I am sorry to have lost you to the Wardens. I hope you can find some happiness there.”

“I’m trying,” Noam admitted.

As they reached the threshold and the Templars saw who she accompanied, a flurry of activity emerged as the rest of the party reunited with them, clasping hands. Alistair swept her up in his arms and kissed her. She smiled, and turned to see Cullen standing nearby. 

Their eyes did not leave each other as Irving promised aid, as they made plans to rescue Connor, as all congratulated and mourned. 

Finally, Noam said to Irving, “My party is greatly tired. May we rest here for the evening until we go to Redcliffe?”

“Of course. We shall travel together in the morning. The barracks are safe and contained, the survivors are there now. I believe this is enough space for you all for a night.”

As the party collected their gear to move into the barracks, Noam nodded slightly at Cullen and he nodded in return.

Her heart pounded as her party stripped out of their armour and prepared to sleep in the provided beds. There was not enough space to share a bed with Alistair, which proved a blessing as she crept out into the hallway. She avoided the guards and snuck into the library. 

It was deserted, many books destroyed by flames, the air still smelling of sulfur. At the base of the statue, she saw him waiting for her.

When Cullen turned to see her, standing in her shift, he walked to her tentatively. He was out of uniform, in simple slacks and a tunic.

“I’m off duty for a few weeks,” he explained, “They think I need rest after…after what happened.”

“They’re right,” Noam said, touching his cheek, “You need time.”

He held her hand against his face, “I never thought I’d see you again. I thought you were dead. I understand if…if you’re with him now. We could never really be, I know that. Even now…you’re a Warden. I…I’ve just missed you so much.”

She threw herself into his arms and kissed him fiercely. He carried her in his arms to an alcove, kissing her as she gripped him closer to him.

“I have to tell you something,” she whispered between kisses, “There’s something you need to know.”

“There’s nothing you can say that will change how I feel right now,” he said, “If you want me to stop, I’ll stop…do you want me to stop?”

“No,” she murmured and he groaned as his hand reached up her shift, stroking her breast as she moaned into his ear. She tugged his pants down and cupped his balls in her hands. He kissed her again as he pulled down her smallclothes and pushed into her. He thrust quickly, holding her close to him as she gripped into his back.

“I love you,” she moaned.

“Maker, I needed to hear you say that,” he grunted, kissing her deeply until she felt lightheaded. She cried out as she came, burying her face into his shoulder as he thrust, whispering, “I love you.”

He came suddenly, gasping. He kissed her deeply as he pulled away, bringing her back down to her feet. They kissed again and he whispered with a blush, “I’m usually much better than that. I just…I just needed you.”

“I need you too,” she whispered, “Cullen…Maker, I…”

“Whatever it is,” he said gently, “Just tell me.”

She walked into the light again, sitting down by the steps as he sat beside her. After a quiet moment, she said softly, “I’m pregnant.”

Cullen’s eyes lit up and she said softer still, “It’s not yours.”

“It’s his, isn’t it?”

“The Wardens…they force their women to breed. I chose him because he was kinder, gentler, I just couldn’t…after everything that happened here.”

“There’re only two of you. You could leave, Maker, Noam, we could leave. We could leave tonight. I don’t care if its his…I love you, I will love your child.”

“We need to stop the Blight,” Noam said, “I need to help him. He…he’s a good man. He needs my help. And…they’ll need my child. If there are only two of us…”

“No,” Cullen whispered, “I can’t lose you again.”

“I love you more than my life,” Noam said softly, “That’s why I need to go. I can save us. I can fix this.”

“When it is over…when it is all done...come back to me. I will wait for you. Even if it takes a hundred years, I will wait for you.”

Noam cried soundlessly, and smiled sadly up at him, “I need to go back before they look for me. I don’t want you to be punished.”

“Just like old times,” he said softly, stroking her cheek.

She kissed him once more, both of them lingering as she pulled away. She said nothing else. She had never been good at farewells.

She knew Alistair was awake when she crawled into the bed beside his, but he did not say anything to her. She wiped away her tears and tried to fall asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Noam had felt the first kick on the battlefield, her hand instinctively going to her belly as the other hand casted out a spell of healing. She had paused, the wonder of the feeling creeping through her body. She almost smiled, looking back up at the mountains around them.

She drew her attention back to the battle, casting a bolt of lightening down to protect Sten from a genlock. Perhaps the baby would kick again when she could truly appreciate it.

The child did later that evening as Alistair and Noam laid together in their tent. He rested his hand against her belly, laughing as he felt the stirrings of his child.

“He’s going to be a little warrior, I can tell,” he said, “Probably was trying to help his momma fight today.”

“He?” Noam asked in amusement.

“Well, I think so at least. There’s a 50 percent chance of me being right.”

Noam smiled, “It’s probably too soon to know.”

“You’re five months along now, it wouldn’t be unreasonable…would it? When we return to Redcliffe, maybe we could get a physician to-“

“No.”

“Noam, you’re showing now. It’s not going to be a secret much longer.”

Noam sighed, her hand running through her growing hair. It had seemed to be growing much faster throughout her pregnancy, flowing long and black to even her shoulders now. 

“Okay,” she said softly, “I should make sure he’s healthy.”

Alistair smiled, kissing her before lying down.

oOoOoOoOo

Morrigan had refused to leave Noam’s side as she went under the physician’s hands, which Noam was grateful for. She even grasped her shoulder protectively as the other mage ran their hands over Noam’s growing belly.

The Arl and Alistair were in the next room, discussing, planning. The Arl had been thrilled to know Alistair had already a future heir growing; a Theirin in the making, even if he was not thrilled with the vessel in which it was carried. It fell so well into his plans, his schemes. The Landsmeet will be swayed, he said, especially when it was believed the Queen was barren.

Perhaps this should have hurt Noam, but it gave her a slim hope. Perhaps she would be allowed to stay in the picture, to raise the child. Perhaps it would allow her child to escape being a Warden, even if she could not.

Either way, she prayed for a boy. A boy that could have some control over his life, an elf blooded human that could pass. She prayed there was no magic in his veins. This felt like a betrayal, a denial of herself, but she was realistic. She wanted her child to survive.

“There are three heartbeats,” the physician said softly, “Yours and two others.”

“It’s twins?” Morrigan asked, eyebrow raised.

“I will inform the Arl,” the physician smiled, “He will be most pleased.”

“No,” Noam said, darting her hand out, but it was too late.

She heard the commotion in the adjoined room as the nobles clapped Alistair on the back, congratulating him and themselves on a success.

Noam sat up, bringing her knees to her belly. 

She looked up at Morrigan and Morrigan frowned, absentmindedly stroking her shoulder.

“She never told me the sex,” Noam said quietly.  
Alistair walked into the room and Morrigan grimaced, making a face at him as she left the room. He picked Noam up, kissing her gently.

“We’re having twins,” he said cheerfully, “Two. Isn’t that amazing? I think I might vomit, I’m so excited.”

“Alistair,” Noam said with a sad smile, stroking his cheek, “Please put me back down now.”

“Of course,” Alistair said, bringing her back down to the ground.

They turned to see Arl Eamon tapping lightly at the doorframe. 

“Alistair, will you give me a few moments with your fellow Warden? I’m sure Connor will love to know about having two new cousins.”

“Of course,” Alistair smiled, “I’ll be right back, dear.”

Eamon sat down on the side of the bed as Alistair left the room.

“This news has what I need to tell you much easier, Noam. That at least should be some comfort to us both.”

Noam refused to sit down, “Say what you will, shem.”

Eamon said, “If you will refuse pleasantries, then I will just do as you ask. At the Landsmeet we hope to marry Alistair to Anora. As you may have overheard, Anora has not borne a child in the five years of her marriage. I wish for a Theirin heir, even if his mother is…less than royal. I make you a deal, one I do not have to. When the children are born, one will be given to Anora, who will officially adopt the child as her own with Alistair. The other will be allowed to stay with the Grey Wardens. I know they will need as many as they can to rebuild after the war.”

“What does Alistair think of this? Has he agreed?” She asked quietly.

“He has a fool notion of marrying you. But…the Landsmeet will never accept an elven queen, particularly a mage. There would be chaos. I also cannot be so unpractical as to not realize the potential of two heirs, ones who could be legitimized.”

Noam said nothing and Eamon finished, “You have done your country a great service, Noam. I do thank you for that.”

He left and Noam wanted to walk out after him, to curse him and throw a fireball at his head. Instead, she laid down, curling as tightly as she could around her stomach. 

Alistair did not come back to her that night.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Noam was not allowed at the Landsmeet, only permitted to wait outside the doors, hoping and praying that Alistair could represent himself fairly. Anora seemed a decent politician; perhaps she would better sway the people.

Anora had been almost kind to her, her eyes wide open when she saw Noam’s pregnant belly. Anora already saw the child as hers, waiting to be brought to her and raised as a prince or princess. Noam felt uncomfortable around her, but appreciated her softer words. Not many women would be so pleased with the mother of their husband’s children. 

Yet Alistair had not known until the night before when a stern Eamon had dashed the last notion he had of marrying Noam and raising both children. He had come into her room, drunk and angry, refusing to listen to reason from her. Eventually he had laid down beside her without touching her, angry at her quiet acceptance. 

He had not spoken to her before he went into the chambers. 

When the doors opened, an angry Alistair had stormed out, grabbing her hand as he led her upstairs and into the palace that was now his own. She tried to protest slightly but was quieted as he looked upon her. He carried her across the threshold of the royal bedroom, causing two servants to run out in surprise. He laid he down on the bed and he slammed the door shut.

“Alistair,” she started as she stood, but he interrupted her with a fierce kiss that made her knees shake. 

“They made me king, you know,” he said angrily, undoing her robes, “Making your child Anora’s, making me her husband.”

As her robes fell around her feet, her pregnant belly visible and vulnerable, he knelt before her, kissing her belly almost tenderly.

“We don’t have a choice, Alistair,” Noam murmured as Alistair’s kisses went lower, taking her lips into his mouth. She cried out, grasping his hair in her hands.

He kissed her clit as she shuddered and whispered, “No one tells the king what to do.”

He laid her back down on the bed, undoing his stays and dragging his pants down around his feet. He returned to his task, his tongue deep inside her as she moaned out, his hands roughly gripping her hips as he brought her closer to his mouth. She felt her body quiver as he kissed her softly, coming undone as his hand reached around and rubbed her clit. 

He stripped the rest of his clothes off and brought her to her knees, turning her from him as his hands felt her changing body. He slipped his cock inside of her and she cried out, and he pounded roughly into her, his hands entangling with hers.

“They don’t get to take you from me,” he said in grunts, “If you bare all my children, they will praise you as I do. If you can’t be my wife, you will still be mine. I will have you every night of my marriage if I damn well please.” His hand went into her hair, pulling her head closer to his, “Do you understand that?”

She moaned in response, leaning back into him. He kissed her neck, nuzzling into it. She came again, shaking around him as his hand moved around her belly, holding her upright and close to him. His hand stayed there as he thrust harder into her and she heard a small cry as he came, holding onto her as he spilled into her.

They stayed there for a moment and she turned to see him crying. She held him to her, falling into the bed together and into each other’s arms. She held him to her chest, stroking his cheek as he sobbed.

“You will be a good king,” she said softly.

“I would have given it all up for you if I could have,” Alistair said quietly in return. 

Her mind went to Duncan’s hand crossing her shoulder and she shivered slightly. She said nothing and laid with Alistair until they both fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Noam was truly tired by the time they made it back to Redcliffe. Her feet and back hurt, despite the occasional massage by a kindhearted Zevran. She heard the nobles discussing their return to Denerim the next morning and she groaned. All she wanted was to lie down and sleep. Perhaps as well have some beef stew. Maker, what she would do for beef stew.

Yet when Riordan asked them to come, she went, Alistair walking awkwardly beside her. He took her hand for a moment and then let go, as if thinking better of it. 

“Ah, Wardens, thank you for coming,” Riordan said with a sad smile, bringing out a chair for Noam to sit. She smiled, relaxing into the seat. 

“Do you need anything else, child?” the elder Warden asked.

Noam shook her head and then paused, “A little water would be nice.”

“Of course,” Riordan said with a smile, pouring a glass from the pitcher. He presented it to her, bowing his head slightly. He looked up to see Alistair look at him in amusement.

“Perhaps you were not taught so, but the Wardens’ first priority is to a pregnant member of our order. Our women are the strongest of us, but they too need to be a little cherished when in such a condition,” Riordan frowned, “But perhaps there were many things that Duncan did not tell you…such as what I must discuss with you now. There is no easy way to say this: tomorrow, one of us must kill the archdemon. The taint in our blood will stop the archdemon from taking another darkspawn, it will be attracted to us. But taking this essence into our body…it will destroy the Grey Warden.”

Alistair went to speak, but merely put his head in his hand.

“As the eldest,” Riordan said softly, “It is tradition for I to take that final blow. It is an honour, I do not fear it. But…if I fall before the battle, it is up to one of you.”

“Then it must be me,” Alistair said.

“Alistair,” Noam said softly, “You can’t-“

“And you can? You carry two children with the taint. What happens if you take the blow? Will one of the children be destroyed? Will we lose all three of you? No. This cannot be. I will take the blow and the rest can still occur.”

Noam paused then said, “There must be another way.”

Riordan shook his head sadly, “Not that we know of. We have researched this for so many years, child. We sought a better way…but there is not a better way. For what it is worth, I am very sorry. I know you must have a lot to discuss, I will leave you two be. Try to get some rest. I know you will need it.”

Alistair followed Noam back to her room, pausing outside the door. He looked up at her and sighed, “Go to bed. I need to do some…thinking. I just want to be alone now.”

Noam nodded silently, watching him pass by the hallway. She nearly jumped when she turned around, seeing Morrigan sit by the fire.

“Sorry,” Morrigan apologized, “I did not mean to startle you. Please, go lie down. I can see your swollen ankles from here.”

Noam obliged, sinking happily into the mattress. She propped herself up as Morrigan sat down beside her.

“What’s wrong?” Noam asked.

Morrigan said gently, “I consider you a sister. You know this, yes?”

Noam nodded, “You have been there for me, through all of this. I don’t think I have had a friend as good to me as you.”

“That makes this difficult,” Morrigan said, lying down beside her. The women watched each other for a time as Morrigan tried to speak, but each time faded out. Finally she said, “I know how the archdemon dies. I knew from the start. And I knew that you wouldn’t be the one to slay it.”

“And Alistair might die?”

“He need not. No Grey Warden need die again.”

Noam cocked her head, “How?”

“I have a ritual…I need Alistair to sleep with me tonight. I have a ritual, preformed on the eve of battle, that will conceive a child bearing the taint. The archdemon will seek out my child as it would have yours. The child will be unharmed, but no Grey Warden will be either.”

“The child will be darkspawn?”

“No. It will be human, the reincarnation of the soul of an Old God. Perhaps that is not a terrible price to pay, and it is a thing worth preserving.”

“But to have the king as his father…”

“I will take the child from Ferelden, raise him in the forests. I cannot tell you more…I am sorry for such. It is not because I don’t trust you. I trust you with my life…which is why I ask to you to trust me with yours.”

“This is what you want?”

Morrigan smiled, “It is what is best for us both.”

Noam ran her hand through her hair, “I wish I could do the same. Not the ritual…but to run. I wish…a better life for my children.”

Morrigan paused, rising from the bed.

“Our children will be siblings,” she said with a soft smile, “That is a strange thought, isn’t it? Little tainted children running around the forests learning magic.”

Noam rose from the bed, “We could do it. We could run for it.”  
“And you think Alistair would not go after you?”

Noam’s heart raced, “Then we’ll leave. We’ll go anywhere, I do not care. After the archdemon is slain…if…meet me at the gates of Denerim, where I will have to wait. We will leave together, you and I. They can’t stop both of us.”

Morrigan frowned, “I cannot stay with you forever. You will be alone with two small children, hunted by the Wardens and the King.”

“But I will be free,” Noam cried, “For once in my Maker-forsaken life, I will be free. You must understand that.”

Morrigan paused, “This was not the plan but…yes. Yes. We will do this. Here, have this. It is a ring that my own mother gave me, to help find me in the forests as a child. Wear it and I will find you. Run when you can and I will meet you. I promise.”

Noam embraced her and Morrigan rested her chin on her shoulder.

“Dear dear, Warden,” Morrigan smiled, wiping a tear from her face, “You make me almost believe in happy endings. Talk to him, let us finish this. Tomorrow, we will make our escape.”

Alistair had not protested. He simply did as he was asked. He did not return to see Noam, but quietly went to his room to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

As they reached the gates of Denerim, Riordan signaled them to him. He told them to divide their forces as need be, to bring only the small group into the city. As Alistair assigned the troops, Riordan took Noam to the side. 

“I know you did not want to be here,” Riordan said softly, “But know this. I respect you as my sister in arms. I am honoured to have meet you before I go to meet the Maker.”

Noam uncharacteristically embraced him, “I wish you had been my Commander.”

He stroked her hair, “I too. I am sorry, child. May the Maker watch over you.”

“Us both,” she said, letting him go.

Alistair shook Riordan’s hand and then came to her side. They watched each other for a moment and then Alistair said softly, “Be safe.”

This was it. If all went well, Alistair would be hero and Noam would be safely away from him. She felt guilt and pride all at once. She would win yet; she would get away from him. Yet…there was still love there. It was not a true love; maybe it wasn’t even a real love. But she did not want to hurt him and she did not want to deceive him. If they had met another way, another time, perhaps they could have had been happy. 

As he leaned in to kiss her for the last time, she whispered, “I’m sorry.”

He did not seem to hear her as their lips met. She felt tears streak down her cheek as he pulled away.

“Goodbye,” she murmured.

Morrigan only curtly nodded as she passed by her, the others readying for war. She watched them leave, the soldiers cheering them on as they marched.

Anora came to her side, a hand affectionately on her shoulder.

“I understand what it is like,” she said gently, “Watching a love march off to war. We must simply wait and see.”

Anora left, going back to the tent where Eamon waited. Noam looked up at Fort Drakon, looked up at the dragon flying up above them.

No. She would not simply wait.

She waited until her entourage was distracted by an attacking genlock as she slipped in among the masses of the army. As she strode off, pulling her hood over her head as she made her way through the troops, she saw there was another who would not wait anymore.

She dared not move as their eyes met, her heart racing as he recognized her.

Cullen ran from the other Templars, still dressed in his plainclothes. He embraced her, picking her up into his arms as the rain fell down around them. He kissed her quickly, putting her back down.

“I finally found you,” he whispered, kissing her softly, “I was looking for you. I would hear tales of you and follow the stories. But finally I got here before you did.”

Cullen looked down, “You seem to be much heavier than when I saw you last.”

“Run with me,” Noam pleaded, “We haven’t much time. Run away with me. We will leave the country, I don’t care where. You are the only thing tying me here, so follow me. Please.”

“I will follow wherever you lead,” he promised. 

They fled the market district, an occasional blast from Noam’s staff sending a darkspawn flying. Cullen fought them off with a blade. He did not let go of her hand as they fled the city, hiding in the bushes as incoming troops marched past.

As they made their way up the hills and into the Bannorn, they felt the blast coming from the city. Noam turned, seeing the great pillar of light pouring into the clouds. Cullen paused, waiting for her.

Noam stepped closer and said softly, “I should have been there.”

“You have done enough for them,” Cullen said gently, his hand resting on her belly, “It is time you do what is right for you.”

She kissed him fiercely and he pulled her to him. When she let go, she said softly, “When the children are born…”

“I will raise them as mine,” Cullen said softly, “They were always meant to be mine. I don’t care who sired them. I want to be their father…if you’ll let me.”

“Is this what you always thought it would be?” Noam laughed quietly.

“You and I will have a life together,” he said gently, “It’s what I always wanted. I’ve loved you since I was sixteen. You were just fifteen then. When I saw you, I knew you were the love of my life. I never dreamed that it would be this good.”

Noam watched him, tears in her eyes as he kissed her hand, “I have a cousin in the Free Marches. We’ll go over the seas. There are no Grey Wardens there, no one to track you. I’ll build us a house. I’ll join the army. I will do whatever I need for us. We just have to leave.”

Noam paused, looking back out at the city as the light faded. She looked back at him and said softly, “Let’s go.”

Cullen took her hand and followed her towards the coast.


	9. Chapter 9

And in those first years, they were happy. Her daughters were born a few months after arriving in Kirkwall, and they were married soon after. They lived just outside the city, Cullen going in to work in the City guard and coming back to them when he could.

It was in the third year when she saw Morrigan again. Noam was in her garden, the young girls playing in the dirt alongside their mother at the edge of the woods. There was a small child bundled to her and she let the boy down, letting him approach the girls with caution.

Noam embraced Morrigan, covering her with dirt. The Witch smiled, holding her friend tightly against her.

“Will you stay?” Noam asked. 

“Not forever,” Morrigan said softly, watching her son meet his sisters, “But for awhile at least. I could use a sister. Will your husband…”

“He is often gone and he is no longer a Templar. You will always be safe here. Let the children play and let me get you some of the stew on the fire.”

Morrigan smiled, “Then I will stay…for awhile.”

As the sun fell and the moon rose, the two mages lay in Noam’s bed as the children slept in the bed in the other room.

As they drifted off to sleep, Morrigan laid her head on her shoulder. As the two women held each other, Noam let go of her breath. Sighing, she curled deep into the sheets, hearing her children breathe in the next room. 

Yes, now, now she could rest. Now, she was safe.


End file.
